Don't get lost in the fairytale.

What is it about palm trees, sunsets, spontaneity, or simply being out of your everyday 9-5 routine that makes us fall for the fantasy? I swear you could take 2 very unlikely strangers from their everyday routines and put them on a mountain top overlooking a beautiful sunset and they'd probably, by the end of the day, fall in love (or think they're in love). It's like going on vacation or meeting someone that's on vacation; you show them the sights, grab dinner at your favorite place, a spontaneous kiss in the park and by night fall you've found your glass slipper.

Are we preprogrammed to detect certain activities as part of our Yellow Brick Road towards "The One?" What is it about sharing a crazy weekend with someone that makes us fall? I guess as long as we continuously remind ourselves that it’s all part the fantasy and unfortunately not part of the reality, we won’t end up so shocked at the end of the day when we kiss the frog and he doesn’t turn into the Prince...after all he’s just a frog.

Does "I'm sorry" mean anything anymore?

What would you say is the shelf life for an "I'm sorry?" Does it expire in 30 days? 10 days? 3 hrs? Or is it like a bee in which as soon as it stings it dies? As soon as the "I'm sorry" is inserted does it die or even loose its power? Or...maybe it's based on its counter part. Maybe an "I'm sorry" is only meant before it receives its "I forgive you."

Is "I forgive you" the de-activator of "I'm sorry?"

How is it that saying "I'm sorry" now a days feels much easier on the heart then actually being sorry for what you apologized for to begin with? Has "I'm sorry" become that little red button that's in the glass case with a note next to it that says in bold text " In case of emergency break glass and press button." Is it our easy way out without having to contemplate any wrong doing?

Geez! How long do you think an "I'm sorry" lasts before whatever you were so sorry for occurs again?....and again...and again.

Or maybe the better question is, is forgiveness a blind man walking wistfully down the street?

In the Dead End streets of relationships, hang out words like "I'm sorry," that never got their "your forgiven." In the "Under Construction" roads of a relationship hang out the "Your forgiven" words that never really understood what they were forgiving or what forgiveness is to begin with.

What are we forgiving and what are we saying "I'm sorry" for to begin with. Think about that!

A lover or ex-lover's friend....friend or a no no?

Why so many rules?...There are rules for dating, rules in love, rules in attempting to attain someone (AKA: The Game) and rules for the aftermath of a relationship. (This will definitely become a 3 part post but for now) What I really want to know is what are the rules about relationship's friends??
What I mean is, during a relationship, courtship or dating you tend to combine worlds. In getting to know one another's worlds you often seem to combine and mix (and get "lost in the sauce" as they say) and befriend your lover's friends in an absolutely non sexual way. In the midst of all this you are conflicted because you find that you share a very special connection with them...is it ok to befriend and maintain a friendship (separate from that of your relationship) when the friend happens to be a friend of your lover or ex lover?

Does anyone know what the rules to being a friend to your lover's or ex lover's friend are and who created these rules if they do in fact exist?

If we really want to get "lost in the sauce" I can say that the universe unites souls that are connected for whatever reason. It may be that the universe ensures that throughout our lifetime we eventually surround ourselves with souls that will add to our being and add to our unique selves. I could also say it in more Earthly terms: Sometimes we may be seeing someone but find a friend of theirs to be such cool person or such a great energy to be around that we enjoy their company, their ideas and/or their thoughts. Is that wrong? Is it in bad form or etiquette to do so? If done to you would it make you feel uncomfortable? Such a sticky situation no? You definitely do not want to make anyone feel strange including yourself.Is it possible to maintain a great friendship with a friend of your lover or a ex lover....and more importantly is that allowed? You tell me....

Communication...is there an app for that or is that prehistoric?

Here's the truth:
I'm walking to the store... they're on their cell phones.
I'm driving and she almost hits my car... she's on her cell phone.
She wants to know more about her spouse...there's an app for that.
You wanna find a date, get a kiss, leave town, find out when the next episode is on, check Facebook, Myspace, write a post on Twitter, find out the exact location of someone (to the point where you can see their home and not through a map but an actual live photo)...you name it, you got...there's an app for that.
You can do it all through an app or just directly through your phone.

Now while you may be feeling excited at the thought of this and thinking how cool it is that we are in the future, have you ever stopped to think for a sec that this future is starting to set us back. I'm not trying to sound like our parents complaining about gadgets but I must honestly say I can't remember when was the last time I had a straight 1 hour conversation with another human being in which we devoted our full attention to one another without for one second checking our phones, downloading a ring tone, or txting.
Whatever happened to a conversation?...You know, the prehistoric means of exchanging ideas and goals or just simply bitching about life. Where did that go? With all these superficial conversations and drinking and smoking and who knows what else, how much do you really know about someone? How much can you say you really like someone if half the time your stoned, drunk, or paying attention to whatever technological gadgets are in your surroundings? Don't get me wrong, some things are amazing or more so exciting. I get excited as well to see touch screen this and 3D that's and video games that move to your movements. It's only natural that it would be fascinating to us because it is something absolutely new and unique. But the way we communicate with one another as human beings now a days, having a lengthy conversation in which you exchange genuine ideas, thoughts, worries or angst would be the true unique thing.
So true communication...is there an app for that or is that all prehistoric?

Imagine ...

Imagine a small place...
Sunny, bright, breezy.
A place surrounded with views of the vast ocean. Imagine a place where people smile and not just a smile but their smile fills you with joy, it enters your soul and uplifts you. A place where people live to LIVE; to touch, smell, taste, experience, feel. A place where people are connected to their ancestors not by history books or by the images in these books but by powerful songs and tastes and food so exquisitely delectable that with each bite you are transported to the very core, the very center of your senses and the center of years of tradition and love. A place where the rhythmic patterns of the Congas infuse your heart with the will to want to live and STAND UP and run and explore. In this place music is life and this music encompasses your stories, your day to day struggles and your happiness. Imagine being able to smell happiness, to dive into a cool river in the middle of true life itself and feel like happiness is endless.
If you can truly imagine this place, then you are in my Puerto Rico.
...and I'm missing my home!

What are you hiding from?

Just like the Bermuda triangle, whether or not vampires really exist, and the "How?" behind popping the perfect popcorn, there are some things in this life I guess I will never understand.

Another one to add to that list might be "Why, when a connection between two people ends, do they have to be enemies and/or hide from eachother?" It is an odd feeling to know that there is someone out there that is so bothered with your presence that he/she will tract where you might be just to avoid being there as well...a public place at that. When a certain kind of connection ends do you then have to become unconnected with everything you had been introduced to or connected to? Do public places have to be divided or mutual friends conquered? ...Seems like such a waste or misplaced energy if you ask me. If two people no longer feel a certain type of connection with one another why can't they go peacefully on there merry ways and if by any chance they were to run into each other, they could say hi to one another and let it go. When it all comes down to it, no matter how many investigative phone calls you make, if you're living in the same city you're bound to run into each other. Why would that be so difficult?
I can't even fathom the amount of energy one would have to (willingly) put into keeping track of where your ex lover is and just to avoid going there? Are we not adults?

Well to each their own I guess...but it really doesn't have to be that difficult.

What are we hiding from?

Whatever happened to understanding?

I started this blog because I wanted to have a place where I could write/ speak freely. A No Judge Zone. I also wanted my readers to have a place to do the same. I want readers of this blog to feel free to criticize, judge, and speak there minds...either about me, my posts, or even in agreeing or disagreeing with what I speak of.
That being said...Someone had to say it, so I'm saying it:

I'm SO fed up with these people! These damn people that walk amongst us.
If your on an airplane and your seated with your child and someone walks in looking for their seat and they realize they have to sit next to you...and more importantly they realize they have to sit next to a baby, they sigh or give this look that screams "Dammit!". Or how about when your trying to cross the street and you have this heavy ass stroller and maybe, like myself, you are a single parent and so you're trying to lift this heavy thing to cross and the damn cars start beeping their horns at you to hurry....even when they see you with a child! Or when you try for at least just 1 hour to gain somewhat of a normal life by going into a restaurant to eat and if your child starts talking (NOT screaming or crying but talking) people around you start to stare at you like they'd wish you'd calm your child down...but you're not in a lounge or a Tapas Bar your in a "Family Restaurant!!!"
What is wrong with these people?
Look. I am a parent. I was never (prior to being a parent) the kind of person that children adored or babysat or even painted the world blue. I do not, baby talk to my child and I still don't paint the world blue or pink for that matter, but I am, non the less a parent. A single parent at that and that's just how it goes and I ADORE my son.
Do you know how difficult it is to be a parent? I can't remember the last time I bathed for as long as I wanted to or I ate food that was still hot or I was able to do whatever I wanted to do. I know that comes with the territory of being a parent (although truth is that comes with the territory of being the main parent, the MOM). But as if life isn't hard enough when you are a first time parent trying to understand the changes occurring within you and around you, or a first time single parent, now us parents get to deal with other people's LACK of understanding. Now we are pushed to the group of "Parents" in which other non parents (not all but a lot)treat us differently, look at us differently, and talk to us differently. I am a parent. I am also still a woman, a sexy woman who still can have a decent conversation or a cocktail at a bar or who could still dance and laugh. I, as well as other parents....mother's mainly, do not need people making our parenting more difficult then what it already is. Please.
So next time you're about to board a plane and you're stuck sitting next to "the baby", try to remember that the woman who's sitting with that baby probably hasn't peed freely since that child was born so cut her/them some slack and try not to sigh or give the look. Or maybe just maybe the next time you choose to date a woman who has a child you can try to understand how difficult things must be for her and if you like her simply be there for her, offer her a set of ears and maybe an occasional "It's gonna be OK" after all there's nothing that a good talk can't fix.
Next time you celebrate Mother's Day really remember what a woman goes through...Don't just say "Happy Mother's Day" with a gift. Say it with some damn understanding.

Where is technology taking us?

The other day I went into the office. I had a BIG task at hand. I had created a marketing strategy and the first promotion was to be sent. The task at hand was to print 1,000 flyers...3 different flyers...1,000 envelopes....1,000 stamps on these envelopes...you get the picture, I'm sure.
I sat in my office with two assistants and stacks of paperwork, stamps, and envelopes. It was to a certain extent quite a bit overwhelming. One of my assistants is 17 years old. When i went to collect her envelopes I realized she had placed the stamp on the left side of each envelope. The crazy thing was that it wasn't done by mistake! She honestly believed that when mailing a letter the stamp goes on the left-hand side of the envelope. Immediately I became curious. How many people within her age range didn't know how to properly mail.....well, mail! So, I left my office and walked over to a group of high school girls and asked them if the could tell me where the stamp, the sender's address, and the receiver's address goes....NON OF THEM KNEW correctly where. They all told me, "Who sends mail anyways when there's email and Internet?" That stop me in my tracks. Most adults know about mail because not only were we taught in school but we pay bills and interact with mail but this younger generation, do they know about mail? ...Aside from email? Everyone seems to be so Internet savvy but no one now-a-days knows how to properly mail?
That reminded me of this situation I had the other day because of texting. I had a small misunderstanding of my own through text and wondered if by having such technological advances are we, in a sense, de-evolving? Through text not only am I not experiencing a person's reactions, facial expressions, etc, I'm also not really exercising my senses and to top that off with all these abbreviations like: ttyl (Talk To You Later) or brb (Be Right Back)etc. our spelling is changing as well. Why does this have my mind going??! Because change in it's self happens gradually and if you take yourself out of the big picture for a sec and really think about it, in changing how we spell and say things we are in essence changing how we as a people communicate with one another. Now that's a BIG deal! How we communicate with each other is how we gather information and eventually how we understand things. Things that are as simple as "Where's the stapler?" to things as complex as how we understand each other.
Is texting now-a-days the new four play? Is Yahoo, Google, and Outlook our new age mailmen? And shouldn't we all know where the hell the stamp goes?!!

Have you ever wondered if there's more then just this?

Have you ever felt like there's more? I mean we wake up, go to work, come home...we date, fall in love, get married, have kids...but is there more? Don't get me wrong, some of the above is fabulous and all, but is that it? Is the purpose of it all to find our individual picket fenced houses and nest in them?
Everyday we become consumed with work, the "to do's", car payments, bills...bills...bills, drinking, TV, the newest Xbox or Halo, and what or who Britney Spears is doing now. These distractions are fed to us and we feed to ourselves to keep us kept but don't you ever want to TURN IT ALL OFF?... And if you attempted to do so what else would there be?
I've read and heard about the lives and customs of those from our past, of Natives and tribes, of Monks, etc and I'm seriously wondering how do we watch and learn about such amazing people and habits and such just wise simplicity,about how these people or those people did such amazing things with their minds/with their lives in general and we change the channel or grab a beer and continue on our merry ignorant ways as if nothing. Under a close watch I think we can seriously admit that at least 40% of what we say or do throughout our day stems from fear and/or ignorance.
Don't you ever wake up to go to work for the millionth time and think to yourself, "DAMN there's gotta be more to life than this!!" So, what is that more and why do we not spend more of our time focused on finding or experiencing it?
A monotonous life, in my opinion, is a sad life to lead and a complacent mind is a devastating waste.
Always ask questions...........Is there more to life then just this?
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Photograph taken by Anita Peppers

What don't you get?

OK. Let me help you out...
She's not a building composed of Legos and she's not an analytical character from The Hand that Rocks the Cradle or even from Sex and the City. Yes she may at times be confused or not know whether to turn right or left...it's OK! Don't freak out, she's simply human. When it all comes down to it if Chris Rock is right in saying that men just want 3 things: >"Feed me, fuck me, and shut the fuck up" then women really want 3 things: Call me/look for me, listen to me, and show some physical affection. On an occasional full moon the previously stated may go one way or another but for the most part that's it. YES! I SAID that's it.

Now..........why is that so hard to understand?

Is it all about the hunt?

Are we more animalistic by nature then logical?
I've been thinking about this a lot lately especially when talking about sex, sexuality, and human interactions. For instance, have you ever watched the Animal Planet channel when there showing the mating rituals of Lions and your watching and thinking, "Hey!! That was me last night!"... except that everyone either gives you props or starts laughing but meanwhile your thinking, "No seriously that was me last night!"
It's amazing how much we really do resemble our animal siblings. Lately I have been paying more attention to this and noticing how we interact with each other in games of dominance, manipulation, and affection.
In relationships(and this is true with all kinds of relationships)there is always a more dominant person then the other, there is always a more affectionate partner, a more verbally satisfying person then the other and if the roles of dominance were to shift, then so would the "affection giver's" position shift accordingly. But why?
Have you ever noticed yourself chasing after one person but the minute that person proclaims there love for you, you then begin to not feel the same? Why is that? Why do we feel more attracted to what we know is not as easily attainable?
Is human interaction and sexual human interaction all about the chase or the hunt?

The Ghost of relationships Past...

Do we carry the baggage of our past relationships on our shoulders? I mean, it is obvious that to a certain extent we do. I'm sure that if in your past relationship you watched Chris Rock together and laughed that you will be forever reminded of that person when watching that comedian or maybe if you were extremely spoiled in your last relationship, if you were pampered and constantly told you were loved, well you may most likely expect or look for that in a future relationship.
But now what about the baggage part? You know those really heavy, not so good feelings or emotions, situations from your past relationship...do we carry those and if so how the hell do we get rid of them? If in your past relationships you were constantly made aware of your flaws when the relationship is over are you flawless or does it stay with you?
How can you move on into your future when the weight of relationships past is holding you back?

Happily Ever...NOT!

I recently started understanding the truth behind Happily Ever After, it includes:
One joint account and a few other bank accounts he doesn't know I know he has, less use of the word US and more use of the word ME, late nights working overtime which are really late nights unwinding at Hooters with a few orders of wings, tits, and ass, many "I'm sorry's", and a to-do list longer then the amount of hours I'd have to spend in therapy trying to figure out...
what is love really?

You see as the female that I am, like many other women, I was raised to believe the biggest lie, the biggest hoaxed of all time! I was told he would come for me...you know, the ONE and that everyone has one. I was told he would rescue me (even if I didn't need rescuing), and that everything from then on would be complete, like Happily Ever After.
But... ummm... when would you say that begins to kick in, huh?
How long after you have decided he is the One would you say you begin to live Happily Ever After, because somewhere between the shiny diamond ring and cleanup on aisle 6 , it seems to me like love is more of a business then anything else. I mean two people uniting for the greater good of Capitalism. You gotta love fairytales. The true question in all of this is:
If love is a business does it cover health insurance?

How much does love cost?

What exactly would you say is the price of love?

Does love cost change? Do we/should we change or alter ourselves for love? And if love costs change, do we get any change back?

Does love cost ignorance? Should we ignore some qualities in our significant other because atlest 50% of his/her qualities are worth aknowledging?

Does love cost money? How important is money in a relationship? Women say they don't care about the money, that they would rather flowers...but don't flowers cost money? Doesn't everything?

Does love cost affection? What if the one you love has a different way of displaying or accepting affection? Do you have to withold your affectionate ways to appease your partner? If so what does that really say about the "Love" in your relationship?

Does love cost friendships? What if the price of love were a friendship? Would you pay it? What if the friendship cost you the love? The dynamic of two people is something that happens naturally and is beautiful. How do you choose which dynamic is of worth bartering?

Does love cost a hobby, your personal time, your freedom? Ever notice how the more in love you feel the more the clock tics, as in you never have any time?

Does love cost?
Should love cost?
What is your budget for love?
When it comes to love, can you validate your expense report?

An Educated Man believes in Cinderella?

"An educated man" recently told me love does indeed exist.
I have been believing in love's existence but not as others do. To me, words and definitions are not the same or understood the same, so how can love be defined in Cinderella terms? However, he got me thinking. Could one male out of an entire population actually believe in romance? Are there more of him? Where did he come from? Does he understand that by believing in love (in Cinderella terms)and wanting it entirely, that he becomes like the Fountain of Youth to single women? In the sense that he (if discovered by others) becomes a rare breed of man and therefore would immediately become one of the most sought after males on this side of the planet. There are definitely not many men whom I know that would surrender to the thought of true love and yet he does, and willingly! He believes in love, he believes in "Happily Ever After," he even believes in the "I adore you!"
Can you believe it? They are not all androids.
So I have been explaining to my bruised heart that love is simply a business or an intense attraction but nothing lasts forever, then comes along this "Educated Man" and distracts my perception. Has he not gotten his heart broken? Have I been wrong?
The only thing left to do now is to keep him as my lab rat. I must study his theories in hopes of finding answers and yet all the while remembering that he is not for keeps because a man who loves in "Cinderella terms" is most likely already living in his own Happily Ever After.

What is an anniversary anyways?

According to dictionary.com the definition of Anniversary is as follows:
–adjective
4. returning or recurring each year; annual.
5. pertaining to an anniversary: an anniversary gift. Abbreviation: anniv.

So what do you think?
Is an anniversary the celebration of our relationship's recurrence or the celebration of our individual return to the relationship each year?
Are we really celebrating that we made it through another year?
If you are in a strong, respectable, loving, "I'm soooooo in love with you" kinda relationship should you have to or do you feel the need to celebrate your return or the fact you made it through another year? With that kinda relationship wouldn't you assume you'd make it through another year... or even eternity for that matter?

I guess what I'm wondering is, we all know that relationships are hard, take lots of patience, and sometimes do not last but maybe subconsciously we all expect them not to last anyhow. With the way the world turns now a days, every other person who reads this post has had their heart broken or knows of someone who has given it their all just to come out alone in the end anyways. So maybe when we complete another year we are all (subconsciously) thinking "Damn! Another year??!!...Well shit, maybe love really does endure and/or exist."
Maybe we are all authors at heart, still writing our fairy tales while the pessimistic world around us leads us to believe the fairytale is riding us, taking us for a ride. Maybe our anniversaries are our alarm clocks ringing "God Damn, another year? Maybe fairy tales do come true?!" But without any factual evidence this can't even be considered a legitimate hypothesis.

This is my two year anniversary to myself.

Talk about fairy tales...

Customer Service or Customers Serving?

Seriously, are we not in a recession? You would think, common sense says:
 Recession = Lack of employment = Be a good employee and you get to stay on board when shit hits the fan and your company has to lay off a few hundred. Well you’d think us humans could compute one simple equation. I swear I have never received such awful customer service like I have been receiving lately, and EVERYWHERE!


I know, I know…employees are pissed cause employers are cutting hours or maybe that morning there friend or partner got laid off. I understand times are tough but do I really need a side order of attitude with my cheese burger? Is that really necessary? Whatever happened to we’re all in this together. Instead it’s more like “Save yourselves”, “Oh and F. you on the way out.” Why is that? Now-a-days it’s more like the customer’s always wrong instead of the customer’s always right. I’ve had an employee interrupt me from asking them a question to pick up their cell phone, during work hours and carry on a conversation! The true US deficit is kindness. Maybe if we were to learn how to provide exceptional customer service, along with our products, customers would not feel as if they are serving us.

Are we settling?

Recently while judging and analyzing the relationships within my peripheral view I began to exam the notion that as we get older we begin to settle. And yes, I said it..."judging and analyzing". Unfortunately us humanly creatures judge, it is unfortunate but true. Those of you who say you don't judge, really mean you try not to.


So are we settling... with our careers, partners, non partners, universities, food, politics?

Is it just me or does it feel like humanity (ok let me not be so dramatic, nothing worse than someone who settles and is dramatic), like the people around us have just lost their fight. Whatever happened to charging to Capitol Hill, the hippies of the 70's, using up all your freedom of speech tickets when you felt injustice had been served??! Now you order a plain cheese pizza and when you pick it up the man covered in flour hands you a pepperoni pizza and you know it’s not what you ordered yet you pay for it quietly. Then you rush home to your wife whose already wearing the pants anyways and blame the mistake on yourself (nothing worse than a man without his man pants, than a man without his pants admitting he settled for the pizza he didn't order). You get my drift though?

Where'd we go? Do we tend to settle for the brunette cause the blond dyes her hair anyways, do we settle for the store brand cause the Pepsi cost more, do we settle for the fast food because eating a home cooked meal takes longer, do you settle on like because love doesn't go your way, but worse than all this...did you settle in life because you lost the will to fight? What do you think, are we settling?

Can we loose our electricity?

Today there was a power outage. It is hot as hell!! As soon as the electricity left I started attempting to build plan B, C, and D in my head but as the hours went by and the heat seeped in, the sound of loneliness echoed and suddenly I began to feel as if the power outage was really occurring within me. Just as the electricity had left, so had my electricity. I was at a standstill.
I was attempting to gather all my double A's in hopes of restarting my heart.
How many AA batteries do you think it takes to revive a "chipped, almost broken but not yet there" heart? Hopefully not too many cause without light I can't see and love can be blinding.

Flirting with your wonder women

I have recently discovered the importance of me, the I in me, you get me? We are all wonder women. I am a mother, a daughter, an employee, a manager, a tax payer, a citizen...and many other things but as I get by from day to day, where is me? Surely all of the above help to make up the ME in me but where is "me?" Throughout my day, a women's day, we are many things and we play many roles and we get so involved in being and playing all our roles that somedays it may be hard to soothe the me in me. So here is what I have discovered women of the world...
Once a day for half an hour or for an hour, go to a place that makes you feel at peace. A bedroom, balcony, living room, bathroom, where ever you may feel at peace and tell others that during this time you are not to be disturbed. Grab your glass of wine, your beer, Koolaid, iced tea, hot tea, ice cream, Oreos or whatever gets you in the mood and go to this place and do whatever you please. Draw, watch tv, write, color, twirl your hair, meditate, lye on the floor, travel to Africa or get a tan on the beaches of Mexico, whatever you want to do, wherever you want to be.
For women whose worlds are consumed with tasks and to do lists and appointments, the thought of being able to sit for how ever long it may be and do absolutly nothing is fabulous! This is what I call flirting. Love yourself, flirt with your self everyday by allowing yourself to take a break from yourself. Everyday, whether its sexually or not, make it about you. Just yourself taking a much needed break from your world, your life, your people and yourself.
Happy flirting!

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Photograph Taken by Evgenia (Jenny) Grinblo